Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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