I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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