one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
