How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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