I wish I could teleport
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
