I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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