my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He passed out mid-signature
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
