Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
