I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Someone came in the potted fern
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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