Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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