I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
