The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
