I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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