Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
