I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
