It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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