dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize