I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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