it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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