would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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