Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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