in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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