How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
