I just cut my nipple shaving
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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