Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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