Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
