I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize