I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
