bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
