i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
