fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
