You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
