yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
