since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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