I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
