I wanna bring you to show and tell
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
