Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
