vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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