oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i think i just lost a toe
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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