I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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