you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
