I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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