Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I am one with the molecules
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
