im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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