I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
