OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
