it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She's just so happy...and so naked.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
pray to the hookup gods
where are my pants?
in the oven.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
