Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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