I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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