Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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