she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
