Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
