I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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