There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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