i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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