First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
