:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
