The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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