I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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