do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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