Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
is wine microwaveable?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
