Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize