but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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