Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
